Coping with Bullies and Their Cohorts in a Toxic Workplace
(Coping with Narcissists and Flying Monkeys in a Toxic Workplace)
A toxic workplace can be emotionally and mentally draining, particularly when you have to deal with bullies and their cohorts. Bullying at work is a pervasive issue that not only affects the victim but can also harm the overall work environment and productivity. In this article, we'll explore strategies for coping with bullies and their enablers in a toxic workplace.
Recognize the Signs
The first step in dealing with bullies and their cohorts (‘flying monkeys’) is to recognize the signs of their behaviour. Bullying can take various forms, including verbal abuse, intimidation, manipulation, and exclusion. Identifying these behaviours is essential for addressing the problem. (See Covert Bullying below)
Document Everything
Start a workplace bullying diary. Keeping a record of incidents, conversations, and any evidence of bullying is crucial. This documentation will serve as your evidence when you decide to report the behaviour to higher-ups or HR. It's essential to record dates, times, locations, and the names of witnesses, if any. A number of small incidents can add up to a pattern of bullying.
Seek Support
You're not alone in this situation, and seeking support from trusted colleagues, friends, or family can provide emotional relief. Discussing your experiences with others can help you gain perspective and advice on how to cope with the bullying.
Understand the Bullies
Understanding the motivations behind bullies' actions can help you better cope with their behaviour. In some cases, bullies may be dealing with their insecurities or personal problems, which they project onto others. They might be narcissistic or psychopathic, so it’s in their nature to seek power and status – you’re just a function along the way to the top. This doesn't excuse their behaviour, but it can help you depersonalize their attacks.
Confront the Bullies (Carefully)
This isn’t for everyone. Confronting the bullies can be an effective strategy if done skilfully. When addressing the issue, remain calm, assertive, and focus on how their actions affect your work and well-being. Avoid getting defensive or emotional, as this can be used against you. Narcissists aren’t interested in how you’re hurting (they lack empathy). Plan ahead what phrases or terminology you might use, and maybe even rehearse it if you can. The drawback with reporting or confronting bullies is that we can expect repercussions in the form of even more covert bullying. Expect backlash with this tactic.
Report to HR or Management
If confronting the bullies doesn't yield positive results, it's time to report the situation to HR or higher management. Provide them with your documentation, and express your concerns about the toxic work environment. Bullying is a pattern that emerges over time, so your diary is of paramount importance. Be prepared for the possibility that your concerns may not be resolved immediately, but it's an essential step in addressing the issue.
Consider Mediation
In some cases, mediation with a neutral third party may be an option. Mediation can help facilitate a conversation between you and the bullies, with the goal of reaching a resolution. However, this approach may not be suitable for every situation, and it's essential to consider the potential risks.
Focus on Self-Care
Coping with bullies and a toxic workplace can be emotionally draining. It's crucial to prioritise self-care. Engage in activities that help you relax and de-stress outside of work. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is key to managing the challenges of a toxic workplace.
Explore Legal Options
If all else fails, and your workplace fails to address the issue appropriately, you may need to explore legal options. Consult a lawyer who specializes in employment law to determine if you have a valid case.
Consider a Job Change
Ultimately, your well-being is the most important consideration. If the toxic environment persists and your physical or mental health is at risk, it may be time to explore new job opportunities in a healthier workplace.
Coping with bullies and their cohorts in a toxic workplace is undoubtedly a challenging task. However, by recognizing the signs, documenting incidents, seeking support, and following the steps mentioned above, you can work towards creating a safer and more productive work environment for yourself and your colleagues. Remember that you have rights, and it's crucial to set boundaries in the face of workplace bullying.
Covert Bullying Tactics
Bullies in the workplace often use covert tactics to intimidate, manipulate, or undermine their targets while avoiding direct confrontation or accountability. These tactics can be subtle and insidious.
Keep this list and use the terms in your diary to help describe what’s happening to you as the pattern reveals itself over time.
Here are some covert tactics commonly used by workplace bullies:
Gossip and Rumour-Spreading: Bullies may spread false or damaging information about their target to damage their reputation and isolate them from colleagues.
Withholding Information: They might deliberately withhold crucial work-related information or resources from their target to make them appear incompetent.
Exclusion and Social Isolation: Workplace bullies may manipulate social situations to exclude their target from team activities, meetings, or important discussions, isolating them from the group.
Passive-Aggressive Behaviour: They exhibit subtle but hurtful behaviours, such as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or underhanded criticism, to create a hostile environment without overtly attacking their target.
Undermining and Sabotage: Bullies may subtly undermine their target's work by making changes without notifying them, missing deadlines intentionally, or subtly sabotaging their projects.
Shifting Blame: They often deflect responsibility for their mistakes or poor performance onto their target, making them a scapegoat for problems that aren't their fault.
Micromanagement: Bullies might take on a supervisor or mentor role and use it to excessively micromanage their target's work, causing stress and undermining their self-confidence.
Cyberbullying: In the age of technology, bullies may use email, social media, or messaging platforms to harass, demean, stalk or threaten their target.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting involves manipulating someone into doubting their own perception, memory, or sanity. Bullies may use this tactic to make their target question their judgment or reality. “I never said that. That never happened”. (This is why your diary will be so helpful in the long run).
Overloading with Work: They may assign excessive workloads, deadlines, or unrealistic expectations to create stress and set the target up for failure.
Silent Treatment: Bullies may ignore or withhold communication from their target, creating a hostile and isolating atmosphere.
Public Humiliation: Some bullies may subtly belittle, criticize, or embarrass their target in front of others, eroding their self-esteem.
Veiled Threats: They might use veiled or indirect threats to keep their target in line or make them compliant.
Emotional Manipulation: Workplace bullies can employ emotional manipulation techniques, like guilt-tripping or playing the victim, to control or manipulate their target's behaviour.
Misrepresenting Credit: They may downplay or take credit for their target's ideas or contributions to undermine their professional achievements.
Remember, bullies, especially narcissistic or psychopathic ones, love to gather armies behind them to attack and discredit their targets (Flying Monkeys). They do this by presenting one face to some people and another face to others.
If you’re the target of a bully, you’ve seen what their dark side is like, but don’t expect everyone else to see that side of them. Bullies will use ‘plausible deniability’ to deny, deflect or reframe their actions to look as if they have positive motivations. Keep your bullying close to your chest and only discuss it with people you trust absolutely until you have a journal of bullying instances recorded over time. Then you’ll have evidence to build a case for change.
©Nicki Paull
