Are You Highly Sensitive?
You Are Not A Snowflake
In her 1996 book, psychologist, Elaine Aron first identified a type of person who it is estimated makes up about 15-20% of the population. They are not necessarily shy or introverted, and are not necessarily neurotic. But they are normally and naturally sensitive, deep thinkers, who essentially feel things more deeply than others.
They might experience criticism in childhood as crushing, since their natural tendency is to turn inwards and deeply process the criticism levelled against them.
They have higher levels of empathy than the average Jo, and are more easily overwhelmed by too much going on at once. They might perform poorly if they have too much ‘on their plate’. And sensory overload – images, aromas, sounds, tastes, ideas can make them clam up, freeze or flip them into extreme anxiety.
If they are then judged by non-sensitives for ‘failing’ to manage the pace and fury of modern life, they are made to feel inadequate and may become depressed or anxious for no other reason than that they are not like the people around them.
These highly sensitive types might wilt when closely monitored or ‘micro-managed’ at work. They might get ‘hangry’ (irritable when hungry) or take fright easily (to loud noises or sirens). They might have a lower pain threshold. They might wound more easily and cry more easily than others.
Social media and world news might upset them, and any exposure to violence, injustice, frightening or cruel storylines or online comments might distress them.
Highly sensitive people can hang on to uncomfortable thoughts and emotions longer than is healthy for them, and can even have physical symptoms when something unpleasant happens. They can’t just ‘let it go’. They can overly worry about what others think of them, or act to protect others’ feelings at the expense of their own.
They feel the pressure to hide their ‘weirdness’ from the world and tend to internalise stuff, beat themselves up, take responsibility for stuff that isn’t theirs. This makes them vulnerable to self-blaming depression. They might overreact to apparently small provocations, because of their fear of being judged – especially by people they care about.
Along the way, highly sensitive people will have had many unflattering phrases levelled at them. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get over it. Get over yourself, snowflake. Pull yourself together. Stop being a drama queen. Don’t be such a girl (a sexist remark reserved for male HSPs as a rule). Grow a set! Why do you beat yourself up so much? It’s not all about you, you know. You’re such a wimp. Toughen up! ”
We live in a critical, insensitive, busy, noisy world after all. It is the thick-skinned bullies who get ahead and stay ahead.
Does this sound like you? (Not the bully, but the highly sensitive type of person)
If this is you, there is nothing wrong with you! You are fine just the way you are. You don’t have a personality disorder or a mental illness. You can stop worrying!
At Compassionate Counselling Melbourne, we can support you to defend yourself in an aggressive world, and to feel okay about being the way you are. We understand that you are not a whinger making narcissistic demands on the world, but a natural-born sensitive soul who simply needs a bit more compassion and understanding. Here are a few tips for making your world a little more comfortable than it already is:
Get enough sleep and rest. Not getting enough sleep can set your nervous system on edge and make it harder to cope with the world the way it is.
Alone Time. Time alone in a calm environment free from stimulation. Yoga, Tai Chi or meditation practice are great antidotes for jangly nerves.
Good nutrition and a balanced diet. Long-term irresponsible eating can make you even more susceptible to feeling off-balance.
Avoid multi-tasking. Where possible, cut down on the time you spend trawling through emails or social media in between attending to other tasks at your computer. If multi-tasking is a necessary part of your day, then train your concentration to attend to one thing at a time, make lists and plan ahead so that you aren’t continually scanning your mental to-do list.
Safe space. If possible, make yourself a safe space to retreat to, where the environment is not too stimulating. Mood lighting, pleasant aromas, gentle and comfortable décor, pastel or neutral colours. Surround yourself with whatever you find beautiful and/or sacred. Avoid clutter.
Exit Strategies. It pays to prepare for the fact that you might not be the last man standing at a social gathering! Have strategies for leaving early and for telling others you might not last the distance.
Appreciate your rich, complex inner life. The biggest of all challenges for a highly sensitive person – learning to cherish and delight in the vibrant inner life that is actually a bonus gift that came with your personality!
Let us support you to get comfortable with the way you already are and learn some new skills for dealing with a cruel world. Mindfulness-based self-compassion practices now have a scientifically researched track record for improving resilience, overcoming shame and stimulating new neural pathways towards peace and contentment.
© Nicki Paull
